Tuesday, May 28, 2013

every piece of who i am, laid before your majesty.

I woke this morning around 4am. God gave me a picture that looked much like this one below and then explained some things to me. Here are my musings and God's intelligence. 

I am broken at Your feet
Like an alabaster jar
Every piece of who I am
Laid before Your majesty

     -Rend Collective Experiment

When you're caught inside a wave:TUMBLING over and over.

One thing is on your mind, getting out. However, at the point where the wave has locked you in its watery embrace with no intention of letting go, there is little to do aside from bracing for the imminent body-slam to come. When you’re tossing underwater like a piece of laundry in a washing machine, there’s little to be gained by fighting madly against the energy. Instead, you need to wait out the storm. Let the wave’s kinetic force begin to die out before you begin your ascent to the surface. WAIT.

Slammed. Wrecked. Bashed. Axed. Although, I can only say I've been caught in small waves in comparison to some bombs, the feeling of being trapped still exists. Life has a way of coming on strong. Life is that big wave. And in a way, God is that big wave. Does God allow things to happen to us? Life-altering, devastating things; with the purpose of having our hearts? I RECKON SO. ***

Overwhelming, jealous love. God is so extremely jealous for me. So much so that he ripped me away from what I had allowed to consume my love. I wasn't catching his gentle whispers, his soft nudges, his kind reminders. I needed an awakening. And there's no quicker way to get my attention than taking me away from something I love. For me, this was my friends, my ywam base, and my new home in Newcastle. 

So there I was, set into a capsizing bomb of a wave. Life spinning me up and over and underneath, forcing me to relinquish control. I had two choices: 

a) I could panic, fight, be filled with trepidation, and freak out. Causing the wave to kill me,  OR 
b) Allow the wave to have it's way. To close my eyes, cover my head, and hope for the best. To let the water rush around me, to hurt me, yet revive me. For the fear of not making it to be prevelent, yet having hope that I'll make it out alive. 

And just as it happens, I didn't fight it, I allowed the wave to crash over me to take me flipping and turning and becoming a mess. The wave beat me, till tears poured from my eyes and I would do whatever it took to breathe again. 

Then it stopped. The wave released me. My face emerged from the surf and I took a deep breathe. Then another. And another. I was breathing. I WAS BREATHING. My lungs were filled with life. My body still weak, weary, and battered from what I'd just come out of; I stumbled out of the ocean and fell onto the shore. Here is where I gave it up. Here is where I said those words: "I'm broken at your feet... every piece of who I am, laid before your majesty." 

"In this place of brokenness, of being the lowest of lows; I come before God -- contrite of heart because I recognise the state of my heart... I'm willing before God to do whatever it takes to become well, to be healed." 

*** God got my attention. I believe he allowed me to be hit by that wave, so that I could fall at his feet. 

And this song, which has been on repeat since the wave first hit. 

Surrendered and Free! Now I'm walking hand in hand with my saviour and my lover JESUS CHRIST. Together we are facing the world full on. My desire and my call is to LOVE. And it's not my love that I give to others, my sole love needs to be for Jesus alone! The love that I give is the love that I get. It's Jesus' love that gets given. His love is perfect, and it banishes the fears that people have. His love has power. His name has power. Power to set people free. 

And today I'm well on my way to a life to the full. Life that was promised me. A life of a completely surrendered lover. 

So with grace in my heart, and flowers in my hair. This is a time where there's no more tears, where love doesn't break my heart, but has dismissed my fears. (paraphrasing mumford and sons).

So this is my prayer: 
God, I've come to the place. I've come up for air. I breathe you in, and breathe me out. I fill my lungs with your breath. You give me life and life to the full. You are what keeps me going. You and you alone. Nothing else can satisfy. You've washed me clean as snow. You've broken me and are restoring me. I'm pure and blameless in your sight. I love you more than ever. You are always faithful. Thank you for loving me. Amen

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Into The Light

darkened faces
surround the man
the one with the extravagant
words flow from him
not to their ears
rather to their hearts
weary faces are lifted
into the light

Tuesday, April 30, 2013


A fear, 
a disappointment
How are they living?
Daily thoughts
Choking out all joy.
Not good enough
not smart enough
not tack full enough
too short, too tall
too fat, too skinny
always lacking 
lies lies lies
these are his schemes
that are planted 
taking root in 
the minds of 
those who are lost
who have given up.

there is still hope
the father of lights
the one who loves
justice and mercy flow
freely from his hands
freedom is easy for him
for evil does not overcome
yet we overcome evil 
with good
love and joy
peace and patience
kindness goodness gentleness
faithfulness and self-control
these come to fruition
from loving the one
who loves us relentlessly
his arms always 
reaching out towards
us as his children
dearly loved

bought at a price
sacrifice atoning every sin
veil broken
new relationship
deep intimacy
father heart
identity found
righteous in his eyes
he is forever proud 

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Oh... HELLO!!

Hello friends! I just completed the first of many bi-monthly newsletters that I will have coming out this year! If you would like to join my mailing list to receive these newsletters in your inbox - send your email address to: mestewart7@gmail.com (AKA. My updates from Bangladesh and what I'm doing in the future are in this one :) If you want to know.... hahaha) 

Friday, February 22, 2013

you gave me love and refreshed my weary heart.

As I was thinking about what I was going to write in this blog post I decided to right more about what God is teaching in my time here! For what's going on in ministry! Check out our team blog: The Blazing Banglas

During the second week of lecture phase, we had openness and brokenness where we shared things from our past and broke a lot of barriers in our lives. During that, we wrote words of encouragement to each other. My friend Jono got a picture for me of pink flowers growing on a barbed wire fence; representing me growing through the obstacles and the difficult times, and how God will mature me the most in those times. Just in the back of my mind a few weeks after that, I asked God if he would show me the flowers on the barbed wire on outreach. I forgot about it completely, until, one day we were walking around during ministry, and I SAW PINK FLOWERS ON A BARBED WIRE FENCE!!! I was so excited! It was really really cool to see that! In my quiet time that morning God told me that He wanted to bless me and surprise me that day; and He definitely did!! 

I've also been learning A LOT about GRACE. That the grace of God empowers us to live a better life. Since we have been set free from sin, we're now slaves to righteousness. This gives us freedom to live righteous lives because the power of grace allows us to not go on sinning. Grace is a FREE GIFT! Some thing we don't deserve, it's nothing we're entitles to. We can't work for God's grace, there is nothing you can do to earn grace. If there were something you could do, it wouldn't be grace anymore, it would be works. We're not set apart by works, works do nothing for us. We are only saved, and made holy by God's Grace.

" You are beautiful in all of your ways, you are colourful in the way that you save me."

God is also speaking to me about spending heaps of alone time with Him. Which is really sweet, because I like hanging out with God. Especially in the morning. Being here I've found it really hard to be alone, however, getting up early to read my bible and drink tea with Jesus, is definitely a highlight. I feel like I've learnt more about myself by spending time with God that I have in the times that I've spent with other people. God is revealing how much he loves me and how much he thinks I'm precious and have a passion for Him, which is really cool! 

Anyways, that's what God has been teaching me, I hope that something from that has encouraged you! I can't wait to catch up more with you guys when I get back to Australia. Including some exciting news ;) I'll keep you posted! And don't forget to check out out team blog! 

Best wishes little fishes,

Sunday, February 17, 2013

they brought me into this world!

So! Valentines Day was a couple days ago. And hearing about what my Dad did for my Mum was so precious; It inspired me to write a blog post about how much I love them!! This will probably either embarrass them or make them really happy :) I'm guessing a mixture of the both :P So here we GO! 

My Parents: 
Clifford John Stewart and Alarice Ellen Stewart
Married for 26 years
People who love the LORD
Lumber Grader and Nurse
Best parents to me and my brother! 

Ever since I was really young my parents have taken every opportunity to give my brother and I the best that they can. They have sacrificed a lot for us to have a good education, to have everything we need, and to be able to do the things that we want to do. They have always supported the things we want to do; whether that be sports, music, school, or travel. 

My parents are such a good example to me for what perseverance looks like. Like a lot of family we have gone through some really high parts but also some really low parts; and looking back I can see how persistent my parents were in trying their best to not let us be affected to much by things that were happening. I know that my parents love me because of this, it shows their selfless love towards my brother and I. 

Being away from home for nearly 5 months now has really shown me how much my parents do love me and want the best for me. I think over the past few years I hadn't realized that and took a lot of the things that they did for me for granted. I have realized how blessed I am by my parents! They have supported me this journey so far in YWAM and I'm thankful that they continue to! 

Mum and Daddy!
I'm thankful for all that you have blessed me with all my life; your love, your patience, your kindness, your compassion, you support, your LIFE! I'm thankful that I'm your miracle baby and that you didn't give up. I'm thankful that you have given me all I ever needed and more! I'm sorry for taking so long to realize it, but I'm so glad I am seeing it now! You are so beautiful and I love you very much! I'm thankful that you raised me to fear the LORD and to follow Him wherever he takes me. I'm thankful for your faith and that you have trusted God to bring me to Australia and Bangladesh, and wherever else he leads me. Thanks you for always being there for me, whether it's midnight or 5 in the morning. I know I'll always be you baby girl! I love you! 


Saturday, February 2, 2013

My sacrifice, is a broken and contrite heart...

Torn up streets
dirt clouds the air
little children lay
these hopeless humans
the streets their home
the sun shines , but sheds no light
on this dark and barren land
completely closed in darkness
you can hear the riot screams 
from far away
whistles blow and shots are fired
the bloody birth of Bangladesh...
how about the bloody life
corruption of even the lowest in society
even those who have nothing
have everything taken away
life is a business for beggars.

among this death,
there is a flicker of hope
these children of light walk
they walk strong
with joy and love all over their faces
the spirit that flows from their speech bring life, brings hope
they are surrendered completely 
the cry of their hearts...
their sole(soul) desire is to
seek the LORD and do what he says
they want to know HIM more
to bring light and love.